Making the right choice is so very rarely an obvious one in my life. But... This time it was.
Yet again, I have been faced with another job transition. But, hey! I'm not complaining.
After sending out resumes, and filling out numerous applications; I spent last week twiddling my thumbs and pacing back and forth, waiting for call backs. I got a few interviews, which I was happy to arrange. All were successful. I felt good about everything but I felt I needed to wait for General Conference to make a final decision. So, I took a time out from further applying for any other jobs. After a prompting to drop to my knees in humble prayer I essentially asked Him to make the decision for me. I really favored one of the jobs and wanted to hear, "Take that one!" I took these job offers and sat them at the feet of my Savior. I kind of felt like that kid who proudly shows off macaroni art that they had created. I was excited and ready to hear 'Atta girl' and to be given an answer. I could almost audibly hear my Father in Heaven chuckling. My answer, once again, was wait till conference. I just wanted to know. I didn't want to make potential employers wait for an answer, but I knew I could not make a decision without the help of my Heavenly Father. What I also knew is that I was going to have to work by His time table and conference would have the inspiration I needed.
Our Branch President had put aside 2 tickets to the Saturday Session for Clay and I to attend. He knew I was waiting for conference to make a final decision. So, there I sat in conference center, waiting for that stroke of genius, but all they were talking about was motherhood! This clearly was not my answer. This was definitely someone else's answer. I was not the standard Millennial Mormon. After all, doctors, up to this point were warning against pregnancy and prescribing birth control. It wasn't even an option for me, right? How could it be, after 3 miscarriages last year and the crazy amount of medications coursing through my system? It's not that I didn't ever want children, but surely I couldn't do it now. I had a dream job to pick from 5 different offers! I couldn't help but look up to the heavens and joke by mouthing "I'm sorry, but I'm not accepting anymore job offers." (I'm truly blessed that God knows my sense of humor.) I came up with every bit of logic and placed it before God, reasoning why now was not my time. Of course when God has his plan, he is very convincing. Talk after talk was about motherhood and parenting in these perilous times. I squirmed, cried, wrung my hands, whimpered, and sweat through my blouse. No matter how much I tried to reason with Him, my points were made invalid.
I thought back to the devotional I attended the week before as I prepared for conference. Al (Fox) Carraway, my all time spiritual hero, was the main keynote speaker. One part of her talk stood out to me, she asked us; "What is something you are withholding from God? What is something you could be doing or putting more effort and purpose into?". I replayed the talk following Al's in my mind, that was given by Carmen (Rassmussen) Herbert. She gave a short but sweet talk on the joys of motherhood. It was almost 2 hours into the devotional and I was so focused on the talk given by the CEO of Franklin Covey on How to be Successful, and my spiritual idol, that I neglected to take anything she said to heart. It was on motherhood, after all. Not applicable to me though?
But as I sat there with my shirt sticking to my back, in the presence of the Prophet of God, my mind recalled her talk. She had given up a singing career to be a Mum. God wasn't asking me to give up record deals and tours. He was asking me to step back. Maybe not put in a full 40. It was only 15 dollars an hour, which is a lot, but in hindsight, it's nothing compared to the blessings I could have if I followed through with my answer. I am the one who asked for it.
How had everything I had done the past 2 weeks, and my whole journey led up to this? I asked, but my answer was, "Your journey was supposed to lead up to this, and this is only the beginning."
I have accepted a part time job, and the prenatal vitamins have been purchased. The doctors have cleared me to try to conceive and my OB/GYN has given me strict instruction to prevent another miscarriage. At 34 pounds lighter, what originally set out as a plan to get healthy, is going to help considerably in these efforts.
I continue to get job offers, and get bribed with benefits but I press forward with God's plan knowing he knows far better than I do. I won't deny it. Turning them down is so hard, but I know it will be worth it.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Friday, June 20, 2014
For the love of a woman
Many of you have asked about how Clay and I met so here we go...
October 2013- After being set up by a friend and it going horribly wrong I vowed that I was going to wait until I finished school to even think about dating. I was over it. I was not interested. I was so busy working 20-25 hour weeks with a 16 credit work load at school that this was not something I felt like I needed to pursue. At least not until I had a little more time on my hands and had more patience to deal with men.
October 28, 2013- My friend, who had originally set up the other date, thought it would be funny to post a personal ad online.
October 29, 2013- Emails flood my inbox. I read a couple for kicks but get tired of it and emptied my inbox...
Later that day I had a little time on my hands so I was just checking my accounts. I had a feeling to look through my email trash. It was similar to the feeling that I got when I was prompted to look through the trash for that job application (for a job that I got when I first moved to Salt Lake City). I couldn't ignore the prompting. It worked once maybe it would work again. So I went to my trash not knowing what I was looking for. I said a little prayer and clicked on the one I felt I needed to look at. I opened it. The guy who responded wasn't exactly my type and nothing really stood out to me but I couldn't ignore the feeling to respond. I put it off for a few minutes, trying to reason with myself that it was a bad idea, surfing the internet, opening every tab but the one with his email. After a few minutes I couldn't deny it any longer so I opened up the tab and sent a quick message. Didn't reveal any details or anything, just responding to his question to tell him more about me with a simple "What do ya wanna know?". Little did I know that this was the beginning of the rest of my life.
Of course he responded right away. We talked back and forth over my birthday off and on but it was my birthday so I had my family to tend to. He asked if we would want to meet in person so I agreed that I was open to spending Halloween with him (The next day.).
Halloween Night- He shows up on my doorstep. My roommates aren't home yet but I invite him in anyways. We exchange small talk as I try to find a movie that we could watch. We settle on A Nightmare Before Christmas. I start the movie, keeping the lights on, and placing myself on the couch next to him but still putting a little space between us. After all, I didn't really know him but I was eerily calm. Halfway through the movie his hand crept over and I was now hyper-aware that his hand was on my leg. My roommate walked in and was stunned. We exchanged glances and she later said that I had a look of total shock and nervousness on my face. The movie ended and he perked right up, not moving his hand, and asked excitedly "What now?". It was only about 9:30ish so I knew if I sent him home now he would know that I was blowing him off. So I suggested we take a quick walk around the block and go from there. We set out to take our walk and immediately he swung his hand into mine. I couldn't tell whether he was nervous or excited but I figured it was a mixture of both. When we reached the other side of the block he stopped. I figured he was stopping for trick-or-treaters so I took a couple of steps ahead. He still had my hand and didn't let go so I didn't get far. He pulled me back and kissed me. KISSED ME!!! I had known him less than 3 hours and here he was kissing me! I was caught completely off guard. I broke the kiss and his reaction was priceless. He kind of had this sad look on his face so my immediate reaction was to crack a joke. I didn't really think it through so I said "Oh... Hahahaha. Is that all? Hahaha..." I pretty much asked for it but I was still shocked when he went in for another kiss. ( After a couple weeks of marriage I got up the courage and asked... I was indeed his first kiss.) I nervously laughed, broke the kiss and suggested we get me back home. I made the excuse that I was so tired and had a very busy day the next day, which wasn't entirely untruthful... But I was really just looking to get the hell out of there! My pace was just a step under a run. We got back to my apartment in record time. We stood on my porch for a split second before I broke away. I thanked him for an awesome night and ran through the door not looking back. My roommates noticed right away that I was rattled. I told them. I explained to them that I was never going to talk or see him ever again. They talked me into seeing him again and that he deserved a second chance. I mean, he was probably a good guy, right? I shot him a text telling him thanks again and that I would be in touch.
(From that day on we didn't miss seeing each other for one day... From the time we spent that first awkward night together to this day we have only not seen each other for 3 days.)
November 3, 2013- It had been 4 days. 4! The night before I had explained to Clay that the next day I would be heading home to Orem for an early Thanksgiving dinner with my family and roommates. I also explained that I wouldn't have time to see him and that Mondays I head back to my family's right after class and that I wouldn't get see him then either. He was soooo disappointed. His head dropped and he was so sad. I knew my mum had told me I could invite anyone I wanted so I figured that if I invited him home to meet my family that he would run for the hills. To my horror, he perked right up and he not only said yes but volunteered to drive... At promptly 3 o'clock the next day he showed up on my doorstep, eager and ready to hit the road. Long story short he met the most important people in my life over the course of 2-3 hours, because of course mum had to call the grandparents over to meet pretty much the only guy I had ever willingly-ish brought home to meet the family. AND my hell... HE WAS MORMON!!! They fell in love with him pretty instantaneously and he seemed to be comfortable and in his element. We started on our journey home and when we reached my apartment I let my roommates get out and promptly turned to face Clay. I had been brainstorming ways to let him down easy because in my mind this was all too quick for me and I wanted to run for the hills. I had to make it seem like his idea. My idea? Tell him about my dark past and I was sure that I wouldn't be the one running for the hills. We went to the overlook of SLC and I unraveled my less than 'righteous' past. He nodded with the occasional 'uh huh', listening intently. After an hour or so I ended my devilish stories. I explained that that was me and it was a part of me, take it or leave it. I was sure he was going to leave... Nope. I suggested that it was time for me to go back so he drove me home. As we sat in the car in front of the apartment I wasn't sure what I was thinking. I was so conflicted and confused. Clay didn't hesitate to reveal a part of his past that he was clearly ashamed of. People opening up to me is pretty much a given so I wasn't surprised. He looked at me and he was so defeated. I could see the sorrow in his eyes. I felt for him. After taking a bit to think about it as we walked around temple square and as I sat at the feet of the Christ in the visitor's center I knew what I had to do. I knew what to say. I just told him simply that everyone makes mistakes and that he hadn't judged me for mine so who was I to judge him for his. His face lit up and I could have never anticipated the next words that came out of his mouth. "That is EXACTLY why I LOVE YOU!" I am positive that all color left my face and Clay often describes the look of complete terror on my face. My reaction? I thanked him nervously, threw open the door, and ran to the apartment. I couldn't get through those doors fast enough. (Clay later told me he sat in the car banging his head on the steering wheel for at least 10 minutes.) Again, I panicked as my roommates talked me into giving him a second chance. Everyone could see what a great guy he was but anxiety clouded my judgement.
The next day after laboring over the conversation with my mum, trying to justify ditching him, she simply said that if being told that I was loved was the worst thing that had happened to me in the last 24 hours that I sucked. She encouraged me to open up to him. So I sent him a quick text telling him we needed to have a talk and that I would be home around 9-10 o'clock. His next text was: "I'm on my way." He got to my home within 35 mins, and didn't even have to ask for directions. We were walking in my home neighborhood and I wrestled with the idea of telling him that I loved him. I knew I wasn't there yet but I felt like I could say it. So I did. He almost passed out. He let out a sigh of relief and exclaimed that he was sure that I was breaking up with him. The first thought to cross my mind was, "We're in a relationship?" but I let it go. (I was also his first girlfriend.)
The next day he had off so right after class he came around. We drove to the Brigham City temple. I had never seen it and walking the grounds of the temples kinda became our 'thing'. On the way back he simply stated that his aunt lived close and he wanted to take me home to her. I had never met any of his family. IT WAS ONLY THE 5TH DAY I HAD KNOWN HIM!!! Despite that "minor" detail there we stood on her doorstep. After getting to know me a little bit, his aunt started directing her questions to him. I was just relieved that I got off the hook for a minute. I sat there in my own thoughts not really paying attention to what was being said but Clay's next words basically snapped me back into reality. "I'm gonna marry this girl!" WHAT?! His aunt quickly picked up on my distress and cautioned Clay to slow down. We left shortly after that. I was dead silent the rest of the way home and I made the now classic move of running to the door as soon as the car came to a stop.
My calls home had been frequent. I was so conflicted. In my heart I knew for some reason I needed to stay but I wanted nothing more than to just bolt. I was doing everything in my power to justify leaving. Mum shot down every excuse. It was so very clear that he was in love with me and truly cared but all I knew is that God was telling me to be patient and stay. So I did.
Later that week mum called and informed me that there was a sale at Khol's. I explained that I had no money and that it didn't matter. She went on to tell me that I needed to tell Clay that there was a sale on rings. I almost barfed but I knew that if I didn't tell him, she would. To make a long story short we had a ring picked out by the end of the night. I was scared out of my wits and I think I was more bedazzled than sure. Clay had a date picked out to pick up the ring that I was not allowed to know. You know for an element of surprise? :P
November 12, 2013- We had just had dinner at Texas Roadhouse and we were headed up to the Bountiful temple. We walked around and as we rounded the scenic side he slows down and says "It's been a great day. You know what would make it better?" and when I turned around he was on one knee. I hid my face and I was in shock but I said yes. Just 13 days since we had met and here I was standing on the temple grounds where I would be sealed for time and eternity in just a short 3ish months.
February 8, 2014- It's my endowment. There is no turning back now. I knew I was doing what the Lord wanted me to be doing but I was so obsessed with the idea of 'soul mates' that I had spent the last 3 months going back and forth whether or not I was actually going to go through with this. I walked through the temple doors and although I was nervous, the fear and vanity melted away. I saw Clay and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The light bulb went off. From the moment I laid eyes on him in the temple that day I didn't look back. He was my soul mate. I just needed to see him through God's eyes.
February 14, 2014- With lots of patience and a lot of persistence on Clay's part... I became Mrs. Brenna Ayesha Moore Yaranga for time and eternity. No regrets.
That's our story. And the rest is history. Forever sealed in our memories. <3 p="">
October 2013- After being set up by a friend and it going horribly wrong I vowed that I was going to wait until I finished school to even think about dating. I was over it. I was not interested. I was so busy working 20-25 hour weeks with a 16 credit work load at school that this was not something I felt like I needed to pursue. At least not until I had a little more time on my hands and had more patience to deal with men.
October 28, 2013- My friend, who had originally set up the other date, thought it would be funny to post a personal ad online.
October 29, 2013- Emails flood my inbox. I read a couple for kicks but get tired of it and emptied my inbox...
Later that day I had a little time on my hands so I was just checking my accounts. I had a feeling to look through my email trash. It was similar to the feeling that I got when I was prompted to look through the trash for that job application (for a job that I got when I first moved to Salt Lake City). I couldn't ignore the prompting. It worked once maybe it would work again. So I went to my trash not knowing what I was looking for. I said a little prayer and clicked on the one I felt I needed to look at. I opened it. The guy who responded wasn't exactly my type and nothing really stood out to me but I couldn't ignore the feeling to respond. I put it off for a few minutes, trying to reason with myself that it was a bad idea, surfing the internet, opening every tab but the one with his email. After a few minutes I couldn't deny it any longer so I opened up the tab and sent a quick message. Didn't reveal any details or anything, just responding to his question to tell him more about me with a simple "What do ya wanna know?". Little did I know that this was the beginning of the rest of my life.
Of course he responded right away. We talked back and forth over my birthday off and on but it was my birthday so I had my family to tend to. He asked if we would want to meet in person so I agreed that I was open to spending Halloween with him (The next day.).
Halloween Night- He shows up on my doorstep. My roommates aren't home yet but I invite him in anyways. We exchange small talk as I try to find a movie that we could watch. We settle on A Nightmare Before Christmas. I start the movie, keeping the lights on, and placing myself on the couch next to him but still putting a little space between us. After all, I didn't really know him but I was eerily calm. Halfway through the movie his hand crept over and I was now hyper-aware that his hand was on my leg. My roommate walked in and was stunned. We exchanged glances and she later said that I had a look of total shock and nervousness on my face. The movie ended and he perked right up, not moving his hand, and asked excitedly "What now?". It was only about 9:30ish so I knew if I sent him home now he would know that I was blowing him off. So I suggested we take a quick walk around the block and go from there. We set out to take our walk and immediately he swung his hand into mine. I couldn't tell whether he was nervous or excited but I figured it was a mixture of both. When we reached the other side of the block he stopped. I figured he was stopping for trick-or-treaters so I took a couple of steps ahead. He still had my hand and didn't let go so I didn't get far. He pulled me back and kissed me. KISSED ME!!! I had known him less than 3 hours and here he was kissing me! I was caught completely off guard. I broke the kiss and his reaction was priceless. He kind of had this sad look on his face so my immediate reaction was to crack a joke. I didn't really think it through so I said "Oh... Hahahaha. Is that all? Hahaha..." I pretty much asked for it but I was still shocked when he went in for another kiss. ( After a couple weeks of marriage I got up the courage and asked... I was indeed his first kiss.) I nervously laughed, broke the kiss and suggested we get me back home. I made the excuse that I was so tired and had a very busy day the next day, which wasn't entirely untruthful... But I was really just looking to get the hell out of there! My pace was just a step under a run. We got back to my apartment in record time. We stood on my porch for a split second before I broke away. I thanked him for an awesome night and ran through the door not looking back. My roommates noticed right away that I was rattled. I told them. I explained to them that I was never going to talk or see him ever again. They talked me into seeing him again and that he deserved a second chance. I mean, he was probably a good guy, right? I shot him a text telling him thanks again and that I would be in touch.
(From that day on we didn't miss seeing each other for one day... From the time we spent that first awkward night together to this day we have only not seen each other for 3 days.)
November 3, 2013- It had been 4 days. 4! The night before I had explained to Clay that the next day I would be heading home to Orem for an early Thanksgiving dinner with my family and roommates. I also explained that I wouldn't have time to see him and that Mondays I head back to my family's right after class and that I wouldn't get see him then either. He was soooo disappointed. His head dropped and he was so sad. I knew my mum had told me I could invite anyone I wanted so I figured that if I invited him home to meet my family that he would run for the hills. To my horror, he perked right up and he not only said yes but volunteered to drive... At promptly 3 o'clock the next day he showed up on my doorstep, eager and ready to hit the road. Long story short he met the most important people in my life over the course of 2-3 hours, because of course mum had to call the grandparents over to meet pretty much the only guy I had ever willingly-ish brought home to meet the family. AND my hell... HE WAS MORMON!!! They fell in love with him pretty instantaneously and he seemed to be comfortable and in his element. We started on our journey home and when we reached my apartment I let my roommates get out and promptly turned to face Clay. I had been brainstorming ways to let him down easy because in my mind this was all too quick for me and I wanted to run for the hills. I had to make it seem like his idea. My idea? Tell him about my dark past and I was sure that I wouldn't be the one running for the hills. We went to the overlook of SLC and I unraveled my less than 'righteous' past. He nodded with the occasional 'uh huh', listening intently. After an hour or so I ended my devilish stories. I explained that that was me and it was a part of me, take it or leave it. I was sure he was going to leave... Nope. I suggested that it was time for me to go back so he drove me home. As we sat in the car in front of the apartment I wasn't sure what I was thinking. I was so conflicted and confused. Clay didn't hesitate to reveal a part of his past that he was clearly ashamed of. People opening up to me is pretty much a given so I wasn't surprised. He looked at me and he was so defeated. I could see the sorrow in his eyes. I felt for him. After taking a bit to think about it as we walked around temple square and as I sat at the feet of the Christ in the visitor's center I knew what I had to do. I knew what to say. I just told him simply that everyone makes mistakes and that he hadn't judged me for mine so who was I to judge him for his. His face lit up and I could have never anticipated the next words that came out of his mouth. "That is EXACTLY why I LOVE YOU!" I am positive that all color left my face and Clay often describes the look of complete terror on my face. My reaction? I thanked him nervously, threw open the door, and ran to the apartment. I couldn't get through those doors fast enough. (Clay later told me he sat in the car banging his head on the steering wheel for at least 10 minutes.) Again, I panicked as my roommates talked me into giving him a second chance. Everyone could see what a great guy he was but anxiety clouded my judgement.
The next day after laboring over the conversation with my mum, trying to justify ditching him, she simply said that if being told that I was loved was the worst thing that had happened to me in the last 24 hours that I sucked. She encouraged me to open up to him. So I sent him a quick text telling him we needed to have a talk and that I would be home around 9-10 o'clock. His next text was: "I'm on my way." He got to my home within 35 mins, and didn't even have to ask for directions. We were walking in my home neighborhood and I wrestled with the idea of telling him that I loved him. I knew I wasn't there yet but I felt like I could say it. So I did. He almost passed out. He let out a sigh of relief and exclaimed that he was sure that I was breaking up with him. The first thought to cross my mind was, "We're in a relationship?" but I let it go. (I was also his first girlfriend.)
The next day he had off so right after class he came around. We drove to the Brigham City temple. I had never seen it and walking the grounds of the temples kinda became our 'thing'. On the way back he simply stated that his aunt lived close and he wanted to take me home to her. I had never met any of his family. IT WAS ONLY THE 5TH DAY I HAD KNOWN HIM!!! Despite that "minor" detail there we stood on her doorstep. After getting to know me a little bit, his aunt started directing her questions to him. I was just relieved that I got off the hook for a minute. I sat there in my own thoughts not really paying attention to what was being said but Clay's next words basically snapped me back into reality. "I'm gonna marry this girl!" WHAT?! His aunt quickly picked up on my distress and cautioned Clay to slow down. We left shortly after that. I was dead silent the rest of the way home and I made the now classic move of running to the door as soon as the car came to a stop.
My calls home had been frequent. I was so conflicted. In my heart I knew for some reason I needed to stay but I wanted nothing more than to just bolt. I was doing everything in my power to justify leaving. Mum shot down every excuse. It was so very clear that he was in love with me and truly cared but all I knew is that God was telling me to be patient and stay. So I did.
Later that week mum called and informed me that there was a sale at Khol's. I explained that I had no money and that it didn't matter. She went on to tell me that I needed to tell Clay that there was a sale on rings. I almost barfed but I knew that if I didn't tell him, she would. To make a long story short we had a ring picked out by the end of the night. I was scared out of my wits and I think I was more bedazzled than sure. Clay had a date picked out to pick up the ring that I was not allowed to know. You know for an element of surprise? :P
November 12, 2013- We had just had dinner at Texas Roadhouse and we were headed up to the Bountiful temple. We walked around and as we rounded the scenic side he slows down and says "It's been a great day. You know what would make it better?" and when I turned around he was on one knee. I hid my face and I was in shock but I said yes. Just 13 days since we had met and here I was standing on the temple grounds where I would be sealed for time and eternity in just a short 3ish months.
February 14, 2014- With lots of patience and a lot of persistence on Clay's part... I became Mrs. Brenna Ayesha Moore Yaranga for time and eternity. No regrets.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Speed of Life
I haven't kept everyone updated. My bad. I got married (totally going to tell that story later.), we went through some really tough times, we moved (finally!), and now Clay and I are both in line to start new jobs in the next week or so. It's been four months. It's crazy. It was four months ago last Saturday since we had been married. Clay made the comment that he couldn't believe it had already been four months. My response was "I can't believe it's only been four months...". It's been so hard. Just about everything that could go wrong did. When they tell you that marriage is hard they mean it. I have learned so much and Clay and I have grown so strong through our challenges. I will go into more detail about everything later, I have so many stories to tell.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Whirlwind
It's been a crazy few months since I got here to Salt Lake City. Life happens and before you know it your reality is something totally different from the plans you had made in the first place. As of now I finished my first semester of college. Phew!!! While still in my first semester I found the love of my life. Clay is amazing. He takes care of me and loves me unconditionally. He calls me 'princess' and he treats me like one too. He has made it possible to quit my job and focus just on my grades so I can become the most I can be. He has taken the burden of work off my shoulders and I will forever be grateful to him for that. He treats me to fancy dinners, fun movies, and even a horse-drawn carriage ride. He's more of a calm, laid back kinda guy so he balances me out quite nicely. He makes me laugh and smile even when I feel like I can't. He is my knight in shinning armor and my life would be so unhappy without him. The man of my dreams proposed to me on November 12th 2013 and we are to be married and sealed in the Bountiful Temple (where he proposed) on Valentines Day. I am so thrilled.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Retail Associate
I got a job! You are looking at the new retail associate for the Macy's at City Creek! I am so excited! I will be working in the sportswear department which my boss said is the most challenging and competitive department. Good to know I have her vote of confidence! She also said that I would work perfectly in the intimate apparel because of my personality and that she would switch me over as soon as the position opened up if I wanted to. Anyways, the job brings the whole plan together and I am super excited to get a fresh start up in Salt Lake City. This is such an amazing opportunity and it has been perfectly orchestrated by God. I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you to everyone who has helped me and supported me. You guys are incredible! Love you all!
Friday, August 16, 2013
Education
Well it's been a couple months and I am fully registered for school. I have all my classes sorted out. I have my grants and loans accepted and ready and waiting for disbursement. I have an apartment. It's newly remodeled and everything is brand new. I even have a washer and dryer in the apartment. I even managed to get a bank account even with my crummy credit. Everything is falling into place and I have my Father in Heaven to thank for it. The last piece of the puzzle is finding that part time job but I have faith that I will. Thank you everybody for getting me this far. Prayers are always welcomed.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Picking Up the Pieces
I know it has been months. Half a year already. Goodness where has time gone? Its been a whirlwind of a couple months and I am still weathering it out. As most of you know I had a wedding fall through and that proved to be an expensive and excruciating loss. But now standing here I have bigger things on my horizon. It's not how I originally planned but it will do me a lot of good. I have decided to go back to school. I will be headed up to Salt Lake in the next 3 months to go to LDS Business College. I am getting my Executive Medical Assistant degree.
On a different note... I lost a dear family member. My Auntie Jules passed away last week and it has yet to sink in. I don't feel the loss yet. I feel completely numb. I keep myself busy afraid that if I did slow down it would all be too real. My Auntie Julie has played one of the most influential parts in my life. I spent 2 1/2 years with my her when I was in high school. I was so lost I didn't know which way was up. But she helped me keep my mind and made my life tolerable. She offered love, support and sanctuary. I owe much of my sanity and my life to her. She always fixed what was broken. And now that she's gone I don't know who will mend my broken heart. I loved her so much. I just want my cousins to know how special she was and how much she will be missed. I'm so sorry for your loss. We will all miss her greatly.
It was also so great to meet my Auntie Lesle and Uncle Richard. Even though the circumstances weren't the best it was nice to have family close.
On a different note... I lost a dear family member. My Auntie Jules passed away last week and it has yet to sink in. I don't feel the loss yet. I feel completely numb. I keep myself busy afraid that if I did slow down it would all be too real. My Auntie Julie has played one of the most influential parts in my life. I spent 2 1/2 years with my her when I was in high school. I was so lost I didn't know which way was up. But she helped me keep my mind and made my life tolerable. She offered love, support and sanctuary. I owe much of my sanity and my life to her. She always fixed what was broken. And now that she's gone I don't know who will mend my broken heart. I loved her so much. I just want my cousins to know how special she was and how much she will be missed. I'm so sorry for your loss. We will all miss her greatly.
It was also so great to meet my Auntie Lesle and Uncle Richard. Even though the circumstances weren't the best it was nice to have family close.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Catching My Breath
I haven't updated in months. Life has been so messy, so complicated. Change caught me off guard. I don't even know where to begin. My life has taken a 180 and there is nothing that stayed the same. A completely different view of life. A humbled one. I am trying to catch my breath and take a little inventory. Trying to pick myself up off the ground. Trying to regain some sort of sanity. Even as I sit here words are hard to come by. They evade me. What used to be simple, so plain, so clear is now foggy and unclear. Everything is made more difficult by anxiety. The things I have come to terms with have been ripped in half. Nothing is easy. Nothing is clear. I don't recognize myself. Now what? Where do I go from here?
Friday, July 13, 2012
Job Jitters
I had an interview today so everyone keep their fingers crossed and send the good ju-ju my way!!! I'll keep you updated about the potential new job.
I am still at the Branbury and I am still LOVING it! Everyday is full of new adventures and new people. How could that be so wrong?
Want to congratulate my cousin, Glen for getting married this weekend. Kathy is so sweet. And I am so glad to have you and your kids here!
Love you all. xxxx
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Men of Honor
To all the men in my life who have stepped up. To the ones who loved me despite my flaws. Who helped me along this bumpy road. Who wiped my tears and help me not give up. This is for you. All the "dads" who stepped up and helped fill the empty space. Happy Father's Day.
To my future husband. Wherever you are I hope you feel my love.
To my daddy, somewhere, somehow, you know that I am writing this for you. I miss you. I love you. I hope I am doing your name justice and I pray I am making you proud. Happy Father's Day Daddy.
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