Agitate it

It's that feeling when you look down and realized you broke it. That pit in the bottom of your stomach when you start to think you might have lost it. And the worst part is not knowing what you did wrong or how to fix it.

Grief

Grief. After it fades from being constant, it comes in waves. Over powering, overwhelming, crippling waves.

Crescendo

This week, this month really, has been perfectly tailored to fit the description of being my own personal hell. But as I sat here at the computer, listening to music and browsing profiles of family members, the song Gravity by Sara Bareilles came on. And for the first time in months, I caught myself singing along. It's not much but I measure in baby steps.

Treading Water

There comes a time in every life when it's acceptable to say "I'm not ok.". I really am grateful for everyone's love and support. Please know that it is appreciated. Remember it takes time to heal and there are setbacks. Please be patient.

Josh Groban - You Are Loved [Don't Give Up] (Video)

It's too late but I know somehow, somewhere you understand. I wish I could have done more. I will always love you and I will forever miss you.

Kate Havnevik - Grace

Short & Sweet Thank You

"Depression sucks, no one would choose to have it. And if you can't choose to have it you can't just choose not to. So instead of telling depressed people to snap out of it or choose to be happy, read up on it, become part of the solution. No this isn't a forward and I don't care if you post this as your status!"

When I read that status update on facebook my heart gave a tiny squeeze of momentary joy. I just wanted to thank the people who recognize that depression isn't an attitude adjustment. It means a lot to those who are struggling with a mental disease. It's hard enough as it is without judgments being passed. It's much appreciated to be acknowledged and recognized as someone other than a party pooper. Here's to all of you who make living with a mental disorder easier.

Jack's Mannequin - Dark Blue (Video)

If you get it you get it. If you don't then you won't.