Motherhood

Making the right choice is so very rarely an obvious one in my life. But... This time it was.
Yet again, I have been faced with another job transition. But, hey! I'm not complaining.
After sending out resumes, and filling out numerous applications; I spent last week twiddling my thumbs and pacing back and forth, waiting for call backs. I got a few interviews, which I was happy to arrange. All were successful. I felt good about everything but I felt I needed to wait for General Conference to make a final decision. So, I took a time out from further applying for any other jobs. After a prompting to drop to my knees in humble prayer I essentially asked Him to make the decision for me. I really favored one of the jobs and wanted to hear, "Take that one!" I took these job offers and sat them at the feet of my Savior. I kind of felt like that kid who proudly shows off macaroni art that they had created. I was excited and ready to hear 'Atta girl' and to be given an answer. I could almost audibly hear my Father in Heaven chuckling. My answer, once again, was wait till conference. I just wanted to know. I didn't want to make potential employers wait for an answer, but I knew I could not make a decision without the help of my Heavenly Father. What I also knew is that I was going to have to work by His time table and conference would have the inspiration I needed. 
Our Branch President had put aside 2 tickets to the Saturday Session for Clay and I to attend. He knew I was waiting for conference to make a final decision. So, there I sat in conference center, waiting for that stroke of genius, but all they were talking about was motherhood! This clearly was not my answer. This was definitely someone else's answer. I was not the standard Millennial Mormon. After all, doctors, up to this point were warning against pregnancy and prescribing birth control. It wasn't even an option for me, right? How could it be, after 3 miscarriages last year and the crazy amount of medications coursing through my system? It's not that I didn't ever want children, but surely I couldn't do it now. I had a dream job to pick from 5 different offers! I couldn't help but look up to the heavens and joke by mouthing "I'm sorry, but I'm not accepting anymore job offers." (I'm truly blessed that God knows my sense of humor.) I came up with every bit of logic and placed it before God, reasoning why now was not my time. Of course when God has his plan, he is very convincing. Talk after talk was about motherhood and parenting in these perilous times. I squirmed, cried, wrung my hands, whimpered, and sweat through my blouse. No matter how much I tried to reason with Him, my points were made invalid.
I thought back to the devotional I attended the week before as I prepared for conference. Al (Fox) Carraway, my all time spiritual hero, was the main keynote speaker. One part of her talk stood out to me, she asked us; "What is something you are withholding from God? What is something you could be doing or putting more effort and purpose into?". I replayed the talk following Al's in my mind, that was given by Carmen (Rassmussen) Herbert. She gave a short but sweet talk on the joys of motherhood. It was almost 2 hours into the devotional and I was so focused on the talk given by the CEO of Franklin Covey on How to be Successful, and my spiritual idol, that I neglected to take anything she said to heart. It was on motherhood, after all. Not applicable to me though?
But as I sat there with my shirt sticking to my back, in the presence of the Prophet of God, my mind recalled her talk. She had given up a singing career to be a Mum. God wasn't asking me to give up record deals and tours. He was asking me to step back. Maybe not put in a full 40. It was only 15 dollars an hour, which is a lot, but in hindsight, it's nothing compared to the blessings I could have if I followed through with my answer. I am the one who asked for it.
How had everything I had done the past 2 weeks, and my whole journey led up to this? I asked, but my answer was, "Your journey was supposed to lead up to this, and this is only the beginning." 
I have accepted a part time job, and the prenatal vitamins have been purchased. The doctors have cleared me to try to conceive and my OB/GYN has given me strict instruction to prevent another miscarriage. At 34 pounds lighter, what originally set out as a plan to get healthy, is going to help considerably in these efforts.
I continue to get job offers, and get bribed with benefits but I press forward with God's plan knowing he knows far better than I do. I won't deny it. Turning them down is so hard, but I know it will be worth it.